Hey! Thanks for reading and replying. Here are some more thoughts I’ve had related to that.
Thanks for writing such a great post. I really enjoyed it. And now I am more convinced than ever that I have to go to Paris someday. I like to believe that it really is everything I dream it to be.
I understand the fake feeling of Provo. That is where most of my dissatisfaction came from when I was living there. I felt rather alone when I was sad or upset because it seemed like people expected me to be a happy bubbly girl. And that’s just not who I am. I’m a rather melancholy person who loves to live and think deeply about things even if that means making myself feel a little bit down at times. I prefer unhappiness and maybe even a little rudeness to being fake. So the way you feel is good in my opinion. I think it means that you are actually looking at things around you and seeing them for what they really are.
Anyway, I hope that you can return to Europe again someday. And if you got a job there I think it would be a good exscuse for me to make my way over there.
Thanks for your comment on my last post, Sue. By the way, happy birthday! Sorry I missed it, I was sort of out of the country. I have a present for you, I just have to get around to shipping it.
So, I had a few thoughts occur to me since last writing. First, my life experiences are very different from those of most people around me. I tend to see things from a slightly different perspective. However, I think there’s some validity to the other perspective as well. I’ve been able to see life in the rose-colored glasses view from time to time, and it’s not all bad. I’m much more productive when I’m like that—it just feels better, so I get more done. But I also like the view that I have most of the time. I think it teaches compassion and patience, and helps me to appreciate what’s good in my life.
Second, people are different. For whatever reason, some people seem to find it acceptable to have a little bit of pretense in the way they present themselves. I don’t necessarily think it equates to dishonesty. From time to time I will do the same thing. I think it’s a tool, in a way; something that arises when one’s words are well-calculated to achieve some desired effect, when there’s an extra layer of processing, so to speak, between you and the face you present to the world. If you want to get psychoanalytical, it all boils down to a contest between the id and the ego, right? And that’s just one of a limitless array of possible variations in people’s personalities. Even if I dislike such things, even if I find something morally reprehensible in the behavior of a friend or associate, in a way my policy needs to be “live and let live.” I’m a quirky fellow. I don’t always do things with 100% pure motives or absolute genuine feelings. I appreciate other people letting things slide, loving me anyway, and the least I can do is to give them the same treatment. So I hope to do a little less judging. You find what you look for, so why find fault?
Here’s the comment Tallia made:
Josh, I have had times in my life where I have felt the same way…why are there people who are always happy, happy, happy? Why are there people with so much energy, so much luck in life, such a great family and just about everything else? And I definitely hated that about BYU, but luckily I could escape some of it because I was already married. I’ve been noticing though that not everyone is like that, and there are other people who are overwhelmed by people like that. There are people who are sweet, sensitive, have great lives, but don’t have to be hyper all the time, or even ever. They just quietly go about their lives doing what they are content with and don’t seem to worry about what others think of their outward appearance. They aren’t social outcasts either. But I think many of those people are the thinkers, like Susanna was saying of herself. They are the ones who know life isn’t always going to be pefect and that they aren’t meant to be 100% happy all the time, but that life is still wonderful and very worth living. I hope I made some sense!
Thanks, Tallia. It makes me feel better that I’m not the only one frustrated by that here, and also to know that there are other types of people out there that I can look forward to meeting.