Blog

Mid-trip Report

So I was just reading through my quasi-roommate Gabe Proulx’s blog and I realized that I felt like blogging myself. I’ve been sitting here all night sort of bored yet engaged in writing a mysterious new piece of software which shall be known to you only as “Siegfried”, but code-slavery just wasn’t doing it. I’ve been inspired to make the shift back into the realm of natural languages.

I’ve been in Washington for a while. You know, that’s where I grew up. I’m back in my sweet, sweet homeland of southeastern Washington State, and I find myself still in love with the place and its people.

The Trip

A week after arriving in Washington, I went with my sister and her family to California, which was really cool. I hadn’t been to Disneyland since I was something like 8 years old, so going back was a significant return to childhood for me. I really liked it, and, as I have told a few people, I think that visits there early in my life are part of why I never cared much for any other amusement park I’ve been to: Disneyland is an amusement park the way an amusement park should be: It’s clean. There are lots of drinking fountains. Smoking is minimal. Once you’re in, you can go on any ride (no tickets required). They don’t care if you take pictures of the photo previews they show at the end of a ride. The atmosphere is happy! Every ride is detailed and exciting, and seems like an attempt to let you experience something incredible that you have little chance of experiencing in real life, like space flight, or a pirate raid, or an Indiana Jones-style escape from a runaway boulder.

On the way home we drove through Northern California’s redwoods, which were magnificent. We stopped on a beach and just walked around for a while. The ocean is freaky and mysterious, but I also find it soothing to simply be there and hear the waves and smell the clean air.

Confronting Fear

While we were at California Adventure I surprised myself by confronting my fears of heights (Soarin’ Over California), upside-down rollercoasters (California Screamin’), and plummeting to likely death (Tower of Terror). For me this was a really big deal. I have always been such a scaredy-cat! No, seriously, a real wimp! Well, big, grown-up boy that I am, I was actually able to go on all of these rides that made me so nervous beforehand. It was like slaying an until-then undefeatable giant.

Maybe it’s because I’ve seen and experienced some very scary things that I didn’t know how to deal with, but I’ve noticed that my fears are always way out of proportion to actuality. My fears about the rides at California Adventure were that way—none of them was even half as frightening an experience as I expected. It was also like that when I ended my over-long hiatus from meaningful dating early this year. Paralysis because I feared devastating heartbreak had to give way to actually trying and to actually caring in order for me to progress, but I was terrified! The seeming caprice of prior failures, the painful losses of invested emotion. It took some counsel from compassionate friends to help me to make the leap of faith. And it worked out. It wasn’t so bad. It was a good experience.

Shrapnel Removal

Maybe more terrifying still was confronting one of my past interests in order to find out why exactly she had chosen not to pursue things. I didn’t realize just how hard the ambiguity was for me until a friend discussed a similar situation. I then realized that that would continue gnawing at me until I had the guts to ask her why, to cut through the generalities which were meant to protect me but which were really like a piece of shrapnel festering under the scar-marked surface. It’s a hard thing to walk up to somebody and demand that they perform an invasive shrapnel removal operation. But that’s what I had to do.

When she acquiesced, it set me free somehow. It was wonderful! She gave me her real reasons for calling a halt to the relationship, and they conformed exactly to my earlier suspicions. It wasn’t the knowledge of the reasons that made a difference, really. It was getting her to deal straight with me. It was having enough respect for myself to ask for an explanation. To stop telling myself to just ignore that dull, occasionally stabbing, pain underneath the old wound, but to let myself get that hunk of rusted old metal removed.

“You’re Stronger Than You Think You Are”

An interesting observation resulting from staying at my sister’s house: I think I actually could do the parenting thing. I know I’ve still only had to deal with a small portion of my niece’s and my nephews’ craziness, and yet I feel confident that, especially with some of the skills I’ve begun to learn while here, I could do it. That’s a pretty encouraging thought!

A good friend of mine told me several times, “You’re stronger than you think you are, Josh,” and I think I’ve actually started to believe it. To believe that perhaps the long-raging fires of adversity have wrought something more than just pain within me. What if they really have tempered me, made me stronger?

The Other Trip

We’re also mid-way through the year (or very nearly). I’ve really been blessed this year. All of these blessings—including those resulting from this trip home—I attribute to God’s great kindness in my life.

Well, my eyes are drooping downward in sleep. Thanks for reading, and good night!

– Josh

June 5, 2008
Pip pip! Cheerio!

Well, the Profile Picture Contest drew to a close with little fanfare on Saturday. And the winner received his prize of a box of brownie mix with even less fanfare in the bottom floor of the library next to my locker a few days ago! And the winner is:

“Sir Josh, Lord of Schmedbury” (my title) by David Hansen

The runner up:
“There Is No Try” (also my title) by Susanna Hansen

David is now the proud owner of a box of brownie mix. Susanna, sorry, I don’t know if you get any prize aside from great glory and honor on the Internet. I took a picture of David in his moment of glory, but it was on his camera phone so he’ll have to get the picture out to everyone.

I could probably be blamed for playing favorites, since it is two of my siblings who ended up with this lofty commendation. Well, blame away! But either way, I now have the coolest assortment of profile pictures ever!

Here’s how I’m going to do things: as there were four contestants, I am going to use the next month to highlight their work by using one of their submissions as my facebook profile picture for a week. I’ll go in this order: Mark, Clayton, Susanna, David.

By the way, did you notice that all of the contestants have last names ending in -son/-sen? Yeah, wacky. Sort of a homestar runner-ish thing, isn’t it?

Click the ‘more’ link to see a gallery of all of the submissions I received. Thanks everybody!

Mark Sanderson—Popsicle Collage

Clayton Anderson

David Hansen

Susanna Hansen

March 14, 2008
“That Evil May Be Done Away”

The most recent issue of BYU Political Review is well worth reading. In particular, I suggest that you read Why Europe is Losing the Fight Against Trafficking, Technology and the Rise of Modern Slavery, and Adoption and Corruption in Guatemala.

Against Secret Combinations

“Secret combinations” is a term used by the Book of Mormon to describe conspiratorial organizations that seek to exploit human beings. These three articles in the Political Review seem to me to be describing an increase in activity that would fall under the “secret combination” categorization. This is quite significant, given this scriptural warning:

Wherefore, the Lord commandeth you, when ye shall see these things come among you that ye shall awake to a sense of your awful situation, because of this secret combination which shall be among you…. For it cometh to pass that whoso buildeth it up seeketh to overthrow the freedom of all lands, nations, and countries; and it bringeth to pass the destruction of all people, for it is built up by the devil, who is the father of all lies…. Wherefore, I, Moroni, am commanded to write these things that evil may be done away, and that the time may come that Satan may have no power upon the hearts of the children of men, but that they may be persuaded to do good continually, that they may come unto the fountain of all righteousness and be saved (Ether 8:24-26).

To accompany those readings, why don’t we look at the 18th Chapter of the Revelation of John, with slight modifications:

And after these things I saw another angel come down from heaven…. And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon/Los Angeles/Denver/Chicago/New York/Las Vegas/Miami the great is fallen…. And the politicians and consumers of the earth, who have committed fornication and lived deliciously with her, shall bewail her, and lament for her, when they shall see the smoke of her burning, standing afar off for the fear of her torment, saying, “Alas, alas, that great city Babylon, that mighty city! for in one hour is thy judgment come.”

And the salesmen and retailers of the earth shall weep and mourn over her; for no man buyeth their merchandise any more: The dollars and Euros, and blood diamonds, and of fancy wristwatches, and fine denim, and corduroy, and silk, and polyester, and all plastics, and all manner devices of silicon, and all manner devices of most precious memory chips, and of processors, and huge hard drives, and wireless capabilities; and perfumes, and colognes, and hand lotions, and bath beads; and soft drinks, and oil, and chocolate chip cookies, and Nutella, and beef, and chicken; and SUVs, and hybrid cars, and sweatshop laborers, and souls of men. And the foods that thy soul lusted after are departed from thee, and all things which were sugary and fattening are departed from thee, and thou shalt find them no more at all.

The manufacturers and salesmen of these things, which were made rich by her, shall stand afar off for the fear of her torment, weeping and wailing, and saying, “Alas, alas, that great city, that was clothed in fine denim, and corduroy, and polyester, and decked with credit cards, and precious cell phones, and jewelry! For in one hour so great riches is come to nought.”

And every truck driver, and all the UPS fleet, and pilots, and as many as trade by interstate or by air, stood afar off, and cried when they saw the smoke of her burning, saying, “What city is like unto this great city!” And they cast dust on their heads, and cried, weeping and wailing, saying, “Alas, alas, that great city, wherein were made rich all that had trucks on the highway and planes in the air by reason of her high cost of living! for in one hour is she made desolate.”

Rejoice over her, thou heaven, and ye holy apostles and prophets; for God hath avenged you on her…. And the voice of pop artists, and rappers, and the music of guitarists, and drummers, shall be heard no more at all in thee; and no employee, of whatsoever work he does, shall be found any more in thee; and the sound of a lawnmower shall be heard no more at all in thee; and the light of a street lamp shall shine no more at all in thee; and the voice of the boyfriend and of the girlfriend shall be heard no more at all in thee: for thy CEO’s and senators, gang leaders and governors were the great men of the earth; for by their advertisements and propaganda were all nations deceived. And in her was found the blood of prophets, and of saints, and of all that were slain upon the earth.

March 6, 2008