joshhansen.net

Blog

  • A Goal Gastronomical

    Having just eaten lunch at Kneaders I was struck with a really cool idea: I’m going to make my own Kneaders-like meal, doing as much from scratch as is reasonable. This would include the following:

    • The Sandwich
      • Vegetables: grow the lettuce, tomatoes, herbs, onions, sprouts, etc.
      • Bread: not milling my own wheat or anything, but baking the bread on my own
      • Cheese: can I make cheese?
        [I won’t bother trying to do the meats or the eggs (for mayonaise) on my own]
    • Soup: grow some broccoli and make a cream of broccoli soup, or grow potatoes and make potato soup
    • Pickles: pickled from my own cucumbers
    • Potato chips: made from my own potatoes

    Since I haven’t been growing the right vegetables I’ll do it next year.

  • Soy Combatiente

    Desde crío
    Me conducían el soñar.
    Todo era imposición.

    Desde niño
    Controlaban lo que iba a pensar.
    Mataban la ilusión.

    Lo que no mata, me fortalece hoy!
    Ser combatiente
    Me fortalece hoy, por hoy, por hoy!

    Y nunca quise ser igual.
    Nunca me latió ser del rebaño.
    Pensar tan diferente hoy,
    Hoy me tiene vivo combatiente.

    Soy combatiente, nadie me va a parar!
    Soy combatiente, nada me va a parar, no, no!
    Soy combatiente, sobreviviente, yo.
    Lo que no me mató, me fortaleció.

    (Since birth,
    They directed my dreams.
    Everything was their imposition.

    Since childhood,
    They controlled what I thought.
    They killed my hopes.

    What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger today.
    To be a fighter
    Makes me stronger today, for today, today.

    I never wanted just to be the same.
    I never felt like being part of the flock.
    Thinking so differently today
    Has me feeling lively, strong.

    I’m a fighter, no one will stop me!
    I’m a fighter, nothing will stop me, no, no!
    I’m a fighter, I’m a survivor!
    What didn’t kill me made me stronger.
    [From “Combatiente” by Maná. Translation adapted from http://lyricstranslate.com])

    This probably doesn’t mean for my life what it seems like it might, so I will explain: I had some very painful experiences last week, and saw myself giving my life, my choices, my will to others in ways that demeaned me and them. But finally I’m through with that. I’m taking myself back. I’m ready to stand up and be Josh Hansen—no more fear, no more looking to others to make me OK, just love for myself and the courage to live my life as me, myself, untempered and unconcealed. I’m an awesome guy! An amazing person whose character and personality are rich and dynamic and good. And what a crime it has been to myself and others to refuse to believe that. I’m not doing that anymore.

    It didn’t kill me. And I’m stronger already.

  • Hubris

    hubrisWhen I saw that the various things I was working on and talking about with people brought a Tennyson poem, Doctrine and Covenants 45, a book about pre-Columbian civilizations, and my own poetic musings together in one place, I was filled with intellectual vanity.

    At his request, I started telling my professor my thoughts about a thesis topic. He started to seem bored and anxious for the conversation to end—I guess he just doesn’t dig computational approaches to decipherment? Well, he asked and I answered so he can only blame himself, I suppose.

    Sometimes I think I have a real contribution to make. Other times I feel like the poor, freaked-out kid in PhD Comics who is always getting dumped on and put in his place. Maybe both are true.