The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.
The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.
Normally time spent waiting in lines is utterly wasted. Just scratch it off of the list of productive moments in your life; you might as well not have lived that line-time. Just ask East Germany. Saturday morning I went with some members of my ward to the Mount Timpanogos temple. Because the Provo temple is closed, things were busy up there accommodating many of the Provo folks. This also meant quite some delay. What would normally take two and a half hours took us more like four and a half. I was waiting in line in the temple!
Do you know what? I really enjoyed it! Now, I understand that there are many people with far more restrictive schedules than I have, but for me, waiting in line at the temple is no problem. I find it to be one of the best times to think, read scriptures, pray, and meditate about life. To get in the sort of respectful, reverential frame of mind that temple worship deserves. I feel like this time amplifies the impact of the endowment ceremony on my life. What is that impact?
It’s hard to describe. Sometimes I’ll go to the temple and just feel baffled about why things are done the way they are done. On these occasions, the symbolism and significance of the ordinance will just be beyond me. So you’d think I would get very little out of the experience. But no, in spite of that—how do I say this?—when I leave the temple, it’s like, having approached God in his house, having tried to qualify myself for his guidance and influence in my life, I then carry with me some of his power as I go about my daily life. I feel like my footsteps more frequently are taking me towards good ends, things that help not only me but others of God’s children around me. I gain a feeling of peace. Things just work. I feel happy!
The power of God seems to linger upon those who visit him in his house. But, in a way, that extra strength fades with time, which is why I have to return often. And that’s how God designed it!
Other times, instead of bafflement, I seem to have my mind opened to the significance of the rich symbolism of the temple ordinances. It’s an intellectual feast with a spiritual flavor. I was recently talking with David about seemingly amorphous natural phenomena that are actually built upon elaborate hidden structures. The supposed void of interstellar space is an example, as are the P-NP space in theory of computation, and what was formerly known as “junk DNA” within the fundamental molecule of the genetic code. (Thanks for the tutorial, Maria!) Things that on the surface appear to be mostly uniform (space, problem-solving, junk DNA) often surprise those who spend enough time dealing with them by revealing a depth previously unimagined. That’s been my experience with the temple. For some time I seemed to just be understanding the surface message. But, slowly but surely, a greater subtlety of meaning has emerged. Suddenly it will become clear to me that one thing actually refers to another, and the combined effect of this relationship becomes more significant than those two things are on their own.
And so God seems to have woven many layers of structure and significance into both the physical world that he created (space and dna) and in his dealings with us, his children, as seen in the scriptures and, perhaps after a bit more effort, in the temple.
My good friend Michelle pointed out with disappointment that I hadn’t posted anything to my blog for months. I made her what I hoped wouldn’t become a hollow promise: to post, or, in other words, to return to blogism. Well, Michelle, here it is.
I’ve been spending a lot of time lately transcribing my journal from my freshman year here at BYU. Some people think it’s depressing to read old journals, and I admit that from time to time I do find that to be the case, especially if I’m really dissatisfied with the now. But in recent weeks it’s been a very positive experience. Check out this long sequence (with some editing):
Saturday, October 6, 2001
Ben and Brandon came to Utah this weekend for General Conference, among other things. They had an extra ticket for the afternoon session, and their uncle Harold had an extra standby ticket for Priesthood session. So we got to go to both!
Waiting in line before the afternoon session, we met a girl from Pleasant Grove named Charlotte…. Anyway, we talked and after the afternoon session we ate dinner at a little diner on North Temple called Dee’s. We laughed, we had fun – those precious human interactions that are both impossible and meaningless to quantify. Charlotte summed it up when she said, “You know, it feels like I’ve known you guys for years.” It’s a pretty cliché line, but I totally agreed with her—it seemed like we were already friends, even before we met.
Before Charlotte left and we went to priesthood meeting, I got her phone number and cellphone number. Here’s the final twist to the story: … five minutes after meeting Charlotte, I just had this feeling that I should ask her to the Homecoming dance.
Tuesday, October 16, 2001
I asked Charlotte to Homecoming, which will be Friday night. Very stressful figuring this all out, but it will be fun.
I’ve been running with Michelle on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Tonight we were running on the track by the stadium and she told me about this guy who Christie is interested in. He is 25 and he’s moving way too fast with Christie….
Friday, October 19, 2001
Tonight I went to Homecoming with Charlotte. First, I had to get some things done at school and otherwise, though. This morning I woke up later than I had planned, but I still wanted to take my Physical Science test before the American Heritage lab.
Charlotte was supposed to pick me up at 6:30, and Dan and Michelle, too. (On my recommendation, Dan asked Michelle to go to the dance with him.)
Charlotte ended up being about an hour late because I gave her 1460 N as our street instead of 1430 N. By the time we got to Macaroni Grill for dinner our reservations were long overdue, so we had about a 40 minute wait to be seated. In the meantime, the four of us walked around a little shopping center outdoors. Charlotte graciously blocked my view of “Victoria’s Secret” as we walked past it. We meandered around Border’s (a bookstore) for a while, then headed back to the restaurant just in time to be seated.
Our table was near a gas fireplace that was burning just enough to keep gas from building up around it. We could still smell the burner gas though.
On our paper table covering I drew in crayon a picture of a sun rising against a bold blue sky. In the bottom I wrote “Charlotte is my sunshine!” Of course, Charlotte had already written my full name in beautiful lettering on her portion of the paper. We cut our respective works of art out with my picket knife scissors and gave them to each other. (I left mine in the car though. I’ll have to get that for her….)
After a delicious dinner, on, on to the dance! A crazy trip south on I-15 brought us to the Chillon Reception Center in Spanish Fork. We escorted our dates in the cool, gusty night to a large stone or brick building.
OK, pause. One thing I really noticed tonight was that because it was cold, when Charlotte hooked her elbow in mine it was like she cuddled in for warmth. When girls do that, and they cling to your elbow like you’re a protector of sorts, it makes me so excited! It’s amazing how awesome it makes you feel!
At the dance, Charlotte and I tried competing in the swing dance competition. We began dancing (quite well, in my opinion) but when the DJ started calling out couples’ numbers we got confused as we didn’t have one. So we weren’t really that much in contention, but we had a great time—the swing music was very refreshing.
One time while we were dancing, I told Charlotte about my fears that she’d think I was stalking her when I called to ask her to Homecoming after just meeting her. She responded by saying that she didn’t have to give me her phone number—that was optional. Good point!
After that dance—and some many great slow dances along with it—we rode home and said goodbye. Goodbye hug. Now a few hours later here I am.
I had an awesome night! I’m pretty sure Charlotte did too! Yeah! Woohoo! Victory! She had fun!
Saturday, October 20, 2001
Due to going to bed very late lats night, I didn’t wake up until 11:30. That left me and everyone else in our apartment 2.5 hours to get ready for cleaning inspection. I was quite surprised how clean this place can really be if we work at it a little bit!
OK, the real exciting part of my evening was when I got home at around 9 o’clock I quickly got a message saying that Charlotte called. I called Charlotte and, after “Hello, how’re you doing?” etc. she told me that the reason she called was to say “thanks” for last night. I said, “Oh, it was totally my pleasure. I’m glad to hear you had a good time!”
I also told Charlotte that I left the paper she gave me at the restaurant in her car and would like to get it from her—a convenient excuse for us to have to get together sometime, I say!
I really enjoyed talking to Charlotte tonight and look forward to seeing her again.
On the other hand, I need to be particularly careful not to get too serious with any girls before my mission.
Well, I’m off to bed!
Wow, I was bold! Nowadays I’m waaaay more hesitant to do crazy things like ask girls in lines on dates. Darn hard life experience has lowered my expectations for such craziness, which is a shame, as it seems like we really had a great time.
I recently started a poem that I want to share:
Behold the brilliant vista,
A world before us lays
Enswirled all by mist, a-
wash with golden rays.
Why weep ye now upon this sight?
You can’t believe what see your eyes?
But it’s here, it’s real, it’s true, it’s bright!
I see naught but clouds below.
There is sunshine, but as well there’s rain.
It’s not that I refuse to know
The good; but that I’ve seen much pain.
But in spite of having seen much more,
Now I see much less than I could see before
And it chills me to the very core.
Light and dark:
They call, they know our names.
We cannot only to one hark
For our path will lead both ways.
Ah but what a sin you’ve found,
Such gloominess as you think on!
Turn your head up. Do not look down,
And soon your gloom will all be gone.
Think not of evil—it is wrong.
Think not sad thoughts—life’s a song!
Think not—or hearts will ache too long.
Naive—you don’t understand.
In fact, I would say you’re slightly blind,
You insolent, odious man,
For you think not of the mind!
It has full well the pow’r to crush you.
When you need to speak, it can quickly hush you.
To fight it is to watch it mush you.
To the friends at bitter odds
Then came another soul
Though by which lonely path he trod
We do not—cannot?—know.
He brought goodness, he spoke peace,
(Somehow knowing what our friends did seek,
But of which they never did speak), saying
Peace is truth, goodness is real,
Not naively, but in actual fact.
It’s obscured by the things that you feel,
‘Times obstructed by the way that you act.
Thus you wander about in a cloud
Through your life as with a burial shroud,
But your goal will never be found.
Obviously the discussion amongst the friends and the inexplicably wise stranger is not complete, because the stranger has only barely introduced some of the themes of his position without really explaining it. There would have to be some exchange between him and the other two before a resolution could be brought about. Sadly, knowing my tendencies of starting and then abandoning poems, I don’t really expect to see that happen. But the poem has already served its purpose of helping me to think through conflicting views of life—both of which I have subscribed to at various points in my life, and both of which are clearly not optimal: the blindly optimistic view because it can’t help anybody, the more pessimistic because it ignores great joy that really is to be found.
Oh, my sister recently introduced me to something that should be indispensable for anybody somewhat inclined to bookishness like myself: Shelfari.
I have one more month of school before graduating with a B.A. in Linguistics, and I’m terrified of facing The Real World once more.
Terrified? Not so much, actually. I was terrified. That was before I “just happened” to get some interesting ideas. They could be summarized as code, quill, and casa.
Google recently announced the Android Developer Challenge, a contest for good new applications developed for their Android mobile phone platform. Entries for the first round are accepted from January 2 to March 3, 2008, which is right when I start to have nothing to do because of graduating and as yet having no job. It also so happens that the work I’ve been doing for Dr. Ringger in the NLP Lab for the past several months has almost all been in Java—the primary language for Android development. Thus the relevant skills are very fresh at the top of my toolkit. And, once more, it just so happens that I’ve had an idea for a feature for mobile phones bouncing around in my head for almost the past year. Hmm….
I love to write. I think writing should be a part of my future. I’ve been getting lots of practice in the past year, and I’m getting to the point where I really just want to sit down and write a novel. You know, put in a couple of hours a day brainstorming, outlining, writing, revising. When will there be a better time in my life? I have no dependents, I have the luxury of doing so, why don’t I just give it a shot?
(Or maybe a better word is pueblo?)
I feel like I need to go home. This feeling came shortly before my older sister offered to let me stay at her house in Washington. So starting sometime after my rental agreement ends at the end of April, I’m going to do just that. I don’t know if I’ll ever return to Provo. I mean, I might, but I just as likely might not. Yikes! I’ve been living here for six years and have come to be very comfortable. But, at the very least for a few months, it’s time to be home. And I’m such a romantic with regards to patria, my homeland. I really, really love it there — there’s something in me that only feels whole at home. I miss the wind, the smells, just those indescribable things that you would only fall in love with if you lived the first 18 years of your life there.
No, not of my life, just of this post 🙂 It’s been quite a grab-bag, eh? And there’s so much more to think and write and say and do!
My life is quite good right now, and I can only say that it is such only as I really seek to do what I know the Lord would have me do. It’s the seeming paradox of obedience: that as we voluntarily shift our activities from what we are naturally inclined to do, to what God wants us to do, we seem to be more able than ever to do the things that we really want to do. No, it’s not always simple; but in being real the gospel of Christ naturally exhibits all of the complexities of the real world, and likewise turns out to have overriding patterns and principles that are very powerful.