Soy Combatiente

Desde crío
Me conducían el soñar.
Todo era imposición.

Desde niño
Controlaban lo que iba a pensar.
Mataban la ilusión.

Lo que no mata, me fortalece hoy!
Ser combatiente
Me fortalece hoy, por hoy, por hoy!

Y nunca quise ser igual.
Nunca me latió ser del rebaño.
Pensar tan diferente hoy,
Hoy me tiene vivo combatiente.

Soy combatiente, nadie me va a parar!
Soy combatiente, nada me va a parar, no, no!
Soy combatiente, sobreviviente, yo.
Lo que no me mató, me fortaleció.

(Since birth,
They directed my dreams.
Everything was their imposition.

Since childhood,
They controlled what I thought.
They killed my hopes.

What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger today.
To be a fighter
Makes me stronger today, for today, today.

I never wanted just to be the same.
I never felt like being part of the flock.
Thinking so differently today
Has me feeling lively, strong.

I’m a fighter, no one will stop me!
I’m a fighter, nothing will stop me, no, no!
I’m a fighter, I’m a survivor!
What didn’t kill me made me stronger.
[From “Combatiente” by Maná. Translation adapted from http://lyricstranslate.com])

This probably doesn’t mean for my life what it seems like it might, so I will explain: I had some very painful experiences last week, and saw myself giving my life, my choices, my will to others in ways that demeaned me and them. But finally I’m through with that. I’m taking myself back. I’m ready to stand up and be Josh Hansen—no more fear, no more looking to others to make me OK, just love for myself and the courage to live my life as me, myself, untempered and unconcealed. I’m an awesome guy! An amazing person whose character and personality are rich and dynamic and good. And what a crime it has been to myself and others to refuse to believe that. I’m not doing that anymore.

It didn’t kill me. And I’m stronger already.